So you wanna chat him up, eh?

After more than a decade hanging out at the rinks, on the bus, in the bar and around town with hundreds, probably thousands of hockey players, I've learned quite a lot about their culture, their language and their customs.

One of the things that I love about hockey is they have their own little lingo they like to use. I'm not talking about raunchy discriptions of sexual acts you would've found circa eight years ago on the now-defunct Junior Hockey Bible, but more day-to-day things hockey players say that you should know, so you know what they're talking about. I recommend not immediately adopting these into your own vocab if you are a newbie, however. Don't want to slip up or look like a phony, right?

Prack/Pracky/Pracy (I hate the third spelling ... it looks awful) - practice. Usually only used for an actual practice, and not for a morning skate, game day skate etc.

Bucky/Bucket/Lid/Liddy: I have heard this used for both helmets and hats, which hockey players often wear after prack so they don't have to do their hair. I prefer bucky for helmet and lid for hat, but it seems to vary by region and vintage of the players.

Pre-game: usually refers to a nap, sometimes meal. Most hockey players have a ritual before games that involve sleeping and eating and then going to the rink unreasonably early to do things like tape their stick.

Warmy: warmup, 20 mins before a game where it's a good time to go down to the glass and snap photos of your favourite boy hot-dogging.

Twig: stick.

Wheels: skates 

Snipe: score.

Geno or gino (varies by region): goal

Apple: assist

Celly: celebration, following a goal.

Bag skate/Bagged: this is what happens when you lose really badly and your coach is rattled, and you have to skate 'til you puke at pracky the next day. No puck prackies = trouble.

Barn: rink. But only when you're talking about it in context of playing in it, like "they're coming to our barn next week" or "Game 3 will be tough in their barn" - never say like, "i'm going to the barn for pracky today"

Suspy: suspension. Your goon knows this word well.

Conky (also seen this spelled Concy, but again, it looks awful): concussion. You do not want your favourite player out with one of these!

Flow: hair. Unless their coaches don't let them, many hockey players like to keep long, shaggy hair so it sticks out the bottom of their helmets. I have also heard hair referred to as "salad" if it's big, bushy, long or shaggy.

Suitcase: someone who gets traded so much they essentially are always packin' up to go to the next town. My best friend calls me this because I get a new team every year or two.

Duster/Dusty: this person is a bad hockey player. They're called a duster because they sit on the bench, collecting dust. I haven't heard it used much outside of the MJ recently, but maybe it's making a resurgance?

Plug: guy who sucks at hockey, or I've also heard it to describe some guy who was just a dick

Chizzler: The guy who tells the officials he got an assist after a goal to pad his stats (when likely, he didn't actually assist on the goal at all...) This guy is usually a douche.

Beauty: all-around good dude ... likes to party, not too cocky and won't try to pick up your ex girlfriend the day after you break up with her. 

Scrap/Tilly: a fight .. your dusty goon probably gets into a few of these.

PIMs: just pims. How many penalty minutes your lad's got ... Some like to keep track of this stat. I was once asked by a boy to check the league stats on my blackberry to see how many pims he had picked up that night.

Jibs/Jibbers: teeth. Your dusty goon who has gotten into too many tillies probably has a few jibs missing.

Zips/Zippers: stitches.

Wheeling: the art of picking up broads

Kills: how many notches on the ol' belt ... (goons with jibs missing actually have a surprising number of kills, however, since they're usually the nicest guys on the team.)

Lipper/Dip/Chew: chewing tobacco. So gross. Yes, many of them do this.

Darts: cigarettes. I have not heard many folks outside the arena call them darts, though I'm not entirely sure this is a hockey-ism.

Roadie: a long bus trip

Bussy: the team's bus driver. I saw my old bussy from two years ago while I was at a game over the Christmas holidays and he remembered me!

Grocery stick: this is my favourite. It's mean, but hilarious. This is the guy who sits in the middle of the bench and separates the forwards from the D, doesn't see much ice oustside of warmy. (While researching for this post, to make sure I didn't miss anything, I also saw this called a bookmark! Though, I've never heard it before.)

... and I know I said I wasn't going to say anything sexual, but if any guy asks you go to buckies off or Craig McTavish ... for the life of you, SAY NO haha

For the original content of Junior Hockey Bible back in the day, click here. (Please beware some of the stuff in there is really gross. Though, I guess if you like hockey players, you don't mind gross, haha)

Hockey players also love to chirp and carve (make fun of people), but that's a story for another day. Just was reminded of a rather hilarious one from a kid I have a love/hate relationship with (I sometimes want to punch him, but also bring him baked goods, sandwiches and Tim Horton's coffees). He was describing another guy with which I had a love/hate relationship, Coach Douchebag.

"Just call him 'Gums'" said the kid about Coach Douchebag.
"Gums ... why gums?" I asked.
"Because his teeth to gum ratio is absolutely terrible!"